Although we’ve only been in China for ten days, we’ve managed to cover about 1000 miles by train, visiting three cities since you last heard from us.

It has been a typhoon filled with spicy noodles, spicy noodles, packed out tourist hotspots, basketball, megacities and spicy noodles.

It’s been brilliant. Did I mention the spicy noodles?

Xining

I say it’s been brilliant but that is the average feeling. Of course, there have been lows.

One of those was the train from Urumqi to Xining.

Ludo is, for the most part, an eternal optimist. Within pretty much anything, he can find a positive, no matter how small.

I can only imagine he honed this mindset whilst fighting for light in the depths of darkest Portsea Island.

It is an enviable quality to have. But there are times when it can lead him down a dead end.

Instead of getting an overnight sleeper to Xining, or paying more for a comfy seat, Ludo managed to persuade me to buy the cheapest ticket; a 14 hour journey on rigid seats, three wide with very little legroom.

I can hear you crying ‘give it a wipe Max’, but let me tell you, it was bad.

We sat down and instantly realised our mistake.

The carriage was packed. Our knees touched those opposite us every so often like a meetcute in a 00s romcom, but instead of cutesy chemistry everyone was just sweaty and fed up.

To make matters worse, an older man with a very nasty cough sat down opposite Ludo. It was like sitting with your face in front of a sputtering frying pan.

Miraculously, we didn’t catch a cold or die of boredom thanks to our Nintendo Switches (the real MVPs of the trip), Clarkson’s Farm for me and The Bear for Ludo.

A bit of pessimism (or as I like to call it, realism) could have saved us this sadness. But hey ho, we made it.

And that set us up for the reason we were in Xining, a city many westerners would never consider visiting. We were on the hunt for Marmots (aka Groundhogs).

Some Reddit research had told us that Qinghai Lake, China’s largest, was the best place to find the fat furry rodents. So abundant were they that we would even see them dead on the road we were told.

So we headed off the next day on a bus, optimistic of our chances to observe and maybe even feed some wild Marmots.

Upon arrival, the signs were not good. We were dropped off in what was like a grimly-touristified tiny Disneyland on the shores of the lake. Asking around, people told us that we were in the wrong place for Marmots.

Oh dear. All this way for nout we thought. But we weren’t going down without a fight.

We set off on foot up a back road that lead into the hills surrounding the lake.

After mistaking some Pikas for baby Marmots, we miraculously spotted a chubby brown blob that was indeed a Marmot.

We later saw another two in the same area and got some blurry Bigfoot-esque photos.

Still, we boarded the bus back to Xining satisfied with the wildlife spotting, but rather put off by how commercialised Qinghai Lake was.

This would turn out to be an omen for tourist destinations elsewhere.

Xi’an

Our slog to Xining meant we only had another 4 hours on the train to Xi’an.

This journey was on a bullet train. For a humble Brit, this was a revelation.

Southampton to Birmingham takes four hours. You have to fight someone who has sat in your reserved seat, rest your feet on a three-day-old spilled KFC meal and enjoy the aromas of whatever atomic bomb has been dropped in the toilet. Oh and it costs £70+.

For half the price in China, you get masses of legroom, reclining seats and twice the distance covered in the same amount of time.

Sort. It. Out. Lads.

It wasn’t all plain sailing though.

We checked into our hotel/homestay in the Muslim quarter and then quickly checked out again upon realising the squat toilet also doubled as the shower.

In a rare moment of wavering optimism from Ludo, we quick footed it over to a much cushier hotel with a rooftop terrace and cats!

What have we become?

Well, we reflected that actually, we just feel too old to rough it out in the grotty cheap seats now.

We’ve discussed this before but travelling at 26 feels a lot different to when you’re 19/20. We value a bit of comfort a lot more than we once did.

That does indeed make us sound very boring. I should probably say something here to counter that but it’s probably just true.

Xi’an on the other hand was an eclectic mix of old history and lively bars/street restaurants driven by a youthful population.

We toured the historic Drum and Bell Towers, saw a performance played on traditional instruments and sampled some very interesting local craft beers. A tea-infused brew was our favourite.

The main reason people, many, many people, go to Xi’an is to see the Terracotta Warriors.

We weren’t 100% convinced about visiting but thought ‘we’re only here once’ and so made the trip.

It was hell. Pure hell on Earth.

The queues and hordes of people were bad, but it was made worse by the fact that no one knows how to queue in China.

People blob around and push through each other to jump a single place ahead. It’s like being in a perpetual mosh pit but everyone is sober and bored. Insert joke about Royal Holloway SU here.

Inside the warehouse where the stoney lads are held, people shuffle around a raised walkway about five rows deep, straining to get a glimpse of a fraction of the exhibit.

We evacuated ASAP.

One highlight of Xi’an was watching Pompey’s first game of the season against Leeds. It was nice to see a bit of England on Ludo’s phone. I could see in his eyes as Callum Lang struck P**pey’s third that, deep down, he yearns to shout expletives at the ref from the Fratton End.

Chengdu

The train to Chengdu was again a pleasant affair, helped by the fact that we had been looking forward to Chengdu since 1st May.

Our hotel had a questionable take on a ‘City View’ (aka the bins) but it was right on the best road for food in the City, and potentially the country.

Across the three days we feasted on the best steamed buns we’ll ever eat, broth-filled pork potstickers, air-suckingly spicy noodles and yoghurty dessert drinks.

If you go to Chengdu, stay near Jianshe North Road.

Once again, the tourist hotspots were a nightmare.

The Panda Research Facility turned out to be a glorified zoo where the Giant Pandas had to be kept inside due to the excessive heat.

I’m not sure what they research there but maybe it’s answers to the question ‘how many suckers can we persuade to stare at some bamboo for a tenner?’.

We did see some Red Pandas though which are arguably way cooler than their black and white cousins. Thanks to Ludo’s eagle birdwatching eyes, we got a closeup view round the back of some vending machines.

All in all we left thinking that those animals shouldn’t have been outside in that kind of heat…and you could say the same about the Pandas!

Chengdu the city was epic though. To use a Geography term, we really enjoyed the emergent moments; those less-planned activities.

Playing basketball on a rooftop with locals, wandering around parks to spot birds and an impromptu shopping spree in Uniqlo (there ain’t a better clothing retailer, period).

We’ve discovered that these kind of things make for a far more enriching experience than flogging yourself around overhyped tourist gaffs day after day. A sentiment that we hope to take on future holidays and, dare I say, our daily lives back home.

With one final round of spicy chickpea beef noodles down, our time in Sichuan’s capital came to an end.

Our thoughts turned to more pressing matters, whether Wout Faes should be the third bench spot in our Fantasy Premier League teams…oh and the impending Blade Runner vibes of Chongqing.